What was and is not

There is silence and then there is silence

and then there are nights like these.

Where nothing is going to take it away

it is all that it’s become.

Today I remembered a time

where I was missed when I was away.

Where someone waited for me at the door

and kissed me goodbye when I left.

I wish that you could have understood

me the way I knew you.

I wish that you could have listened

and heard what I never said.

I heard everything that you said to me

and the words that never came.

And I let you be who you needed to be

even though it took away all that I am.

I only ever wanted to take good care of you

to keep you safe and warm.

I wanted to give you the space

to find your way back to me.

That never happened you just kept looking

for things and someone else.

When all I ever wanted

was for you to have the choice.

Well, you had the choice and took it

and I didn’t have a voice.

I surrendered it to you those years ago

when you cried to me in the dark.

I’m sorry now for what I gave

sorry for what I’ve lost.

I’m sorry tonight as I sit here remembering

how much you made me feel.