Not Meant To Hold

Reminiscing in stories on pages

in tears rolling down my cheek.

Holding thoughts in my fists

thinking that will keep them with me.

Remembering you, remembering all

of the loves that have long since passed.

Remembering who I was with them

and who I feel like I am now.

I feel like I live behind a veil

never truly seen.

Not quite heard or understood

intention misconstrued.

I feel often mute and deaf and dumb

yet my senses are fully alive.

Too alive sometimes it seems

the nerve is always raw.

The memories are broken now

and blurry I’m sure, I know.

But I keep them close to my heart

the place where they always were.

My dreams are so vivid lately

so alive with the ones I have loved.

It almost like they’re coming to say goodbye

does this mean I am moving on?

The ones who have held my heart for years

and who I still see from behind that veil.

They look happy in those photo frames

with the ones that they love now.

I don’t think I’m meant to have and to hold

just to heal and teach them to fly.

To tend to broken wings

and toss them back into the air.

I watch from an empty nest

as I remain here alone.

I just don’t think I’m meant to hold

anything I’ve ever loved.