Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Drunk On Me

gasping breath and exhale

she moans with wanton lust

pulling me aurally

with her along this trail

her voice is like a finger

stretched and curling, calling me

reaching deep inside

as my own fingers trace the path

who is it, deep within you?

tell me who you feel

only you...only you

and then she lets go

both of us deeply rapt

and writhing together as one

as the waves crash upon us

and leave us dripping wet

the moan, the gasp, the squeal, the sigh

over and over again

then slowly panting breath

slows its heaving pace

soft words exchanged

lips tangled as one

smiles and silly words

as heads continue to spin

her speech begins to slur

syllables hard to discern

in the wake of consuming me

she sounds as if she’s drunk

tossing back another

her lips becoming numb

her voice takes on a velvet tone

and she wraps me in her words

soft and warm and floating

her tongue now tickling me

with a dizzying lilt and inflection

she is drunk on me



~for my muse~

Friday, April 4, 2014

it was me

all day yesterday

all that I saw

every time I turned my head

was shadows

moving quickly

at the corners of my eyes

momentarily caught

then gone

at first, I thought it nothing

a simple trick of the light

then as the day wore on

I heard the whispers begin

but then the light changed

that came into my room

and her voice in its musical lilt

filled me full from within

I didn’t tell her  

about the shadow people

about the whispers that rolled

down the back of my neck

I didn’t tell her

I felt a haunting chill

she had chased

the miserable whispers away

she came again that day

with stories and imagination

she challenged me to think

in a way I hadn’t done

we played

like costumed characters at a ball

she took from me innocence

as if it were the very first time

she told me stories of creatures

hiding in the night

on the fringes of her forest

but that she would always keep me safe

still those headless images

kept floating in my stairwell

like the ones I saw as a child

all those years ago

I curled myself into her arms

and left my mark on her

as I chose to choose her forever

and never leave her side

she sent me off to sleep

in the blissful state of dreams

as she had left me spent

completely at her hand

sometime later

I heard her come into my room

banging a gong loudly

announcing her return

I woke strangely and scattered

rattled, unable to think

and everything started to spin

and those heads showed up again

the magician, and his lady

and the rabbit pulled from a hat

have been playing their devilish tricks

since before I knew what they were

the moments passed quickly

and the room began to spin

and I lost my train of thought

replaced by something else

rage came in some thought exposed

and I thought I understood

what I had misinterpreted

for so many years, so long

suddenly a crack

as I heard the door click

she was gone and in silence

those fucking heads danced

I scrambled to grab hold

of the thoughts that spun from me

but there is nothing left in my hand

but that damn magician’s wand

for so many years they haunted

and kept me awake in the night

and I let them leave me terrified

not knowing, they, were me



Friday, March 21, 2014

Surviving Moments

the attack

internal and self-induced

blame placed

directed harmful intent

inward eye

staring hard into corners

vision blurred

the target just too close

distorted ears

the hum now a chainsaw

shaking voice

as the tremors begin again

words choke

the flow of air in the throat

pulse quick

a heart beating far too fast

cycle started

the brain is caught in motion

spinning wildly

balance intangible now

single minded

this is how it begins

sole purpose

to simply make it end




breathe slowly

into and out of the lungs

listen hard

beyond the only thing you can hear

look deep

sit with the mirror in hand

don’t run

even though you can’t sit still

pivotal moments

tick with the pace of forever

choices made

will result in the tone of your life

inhale long

slow breaths all the way down

exhale all

of the pain you are clinging to

let go

whatever it is, it shall pass

lie down

and let the calm fall upon you


Sunday, February 16, 2014

Easing Pain

She awoke eyes swollen; head aching, having slept little to none. When she did fall off it was fitful and filled with visions that frightened her awake to the darkened shadows of her room. She called out but no answer came and she crawled back under the covers and tried again to disappear into some place where she did not feel this.


Finally after the sun rose, she got up and moved from the room that for the first time in a long time did not give her peace. She went downstairs where it was too bright for eyes that just could not see.


She made coffee and got her guitar. She sang to herself in the quiet morning, all of her favorite lullabies. The ones she sings when she is afraid, the ones she sings when she is alone. The ones she needs when she cries. She sang them all yet her voice shook, her fingers could not properly hold the strings and her rhythm was off. She was trying to tell herself a story. To listen hard enough so that she could understand what she felt. She always found her way in these songs. Today though, they sound flat and she is wildly off key.


Again, she moved from the room and slowly climbed the stairs. Back to her place of refuge and the soft, warmth of her bed. She sat staring for a long time at images flashing by her on the screen. They looked cloudy to her, almost as if covered by a curtain or a veil. She blinked over and over, but could not clear her vision.


Suddenly as if on cue, tears began to roll down her face. Slowly at first as if they were afraid to show themselves and then heavy and fast they began to flow. Sobs shook her body from its very core to the tips of her fingers. Her hands trembled, the pain leveled itself upon her and her head began to spin. She stayed this way for some time.


As the ache sat upon her, she soon needed to move again. She rose, took off her clothes and got into the shower. Kneeling on the floor, weeping, she has found herself here before. This time the invisible pain was becoming too much. Her head ran through image after image. Bottle turned upward, glint of light on a blade, blood as the first cut severs the skin. She began to breathe heavily, the panic overtaking her. Shaking she stood up and moved under the flowing water. It was soothing her but not enough. She reached for the faucet and turned it slowly to the left making the water hotter. Something began to tingle. She moved the faucet again and the heat stung her skin. The tingle increased. She pushed the faucet all the way over and the water began to scald her. Turning her skin a raw bright red and making her nearly scream.  Suddenly the spinning began to slow, the tears changed shape and her breath caught a different rhythm.  She stood against the burning stream pulsing over her skin and closed her eyes. The pain was suddenly tangible, something she could understand. She focused all of her attention to her skin as it began to become nearly unbearable but still she could not move away. Somehow it was soothing her, calming her. She realized her breathing had become almost normal and the tears were no longer rolling down her face. She also realized as the muscles inside of her convulsed, that her body had felt release. She wobbled a bit and was suddenly aware how hot the water was. She turned it back to a medium heat and sat on the floor letting it wash over her.

After a few moments she rose and turned off the shower, wrapped herself in a towel and crawled into her bed. Her pain was quiet now, she was exhausted and she needed to sleep. There would be time to think about this later. Right now, she was free.   

Monday, February 3, 2014


Inspired by the poetry of my muse~
                                                      thank you for the editing help~

The shift has become her

and she, powerless

has decided to ponder surrender.


Beneath veiled eye

of a shadowed moon.

Two bodies interlaced

into dawn’s breaking rays.


Time spent binding souls

broken pieces of lives.

That simply drained

and could never be filled.

Footsteps now soft

bare feet and naked skin.

Adorned with nothing

but the scent of lust.


Want cradles desire

yet to be named.

Fascination and wonder

fiercely alive again.


Blush upon cheeks

musky scents.

Sweat upon skin

this is the texture of joy.


She wants to scream

but cannot.

Will not

and still she is at peace.


She knows…

none of this can she hide


from her lover’s eyes…  


Saturday, January 18, 2014


how does she know the scent of my skin

and feel my thoughts before I speak the words

how does she press her lips to mine

and I feel her nearly half a world away

how does she come into my room

when I lie asleep and let me feel her there

how does she know when I am afraid

and wrap herself around me in the dark

how can she hear the words unspoken

and count the pace of my breath without a sound

how does she understand this need

and fulfill so completely all of this want

how did she find her way so deeply

into the parts of me that I didn’t even know

how did she reconnect the pieces

 scattered without care about this room

how did she show me the meaning of trust

without ever having to  utter the sound of the word

how does she make me feel so strong

when I am openly surrendered to her

how did I find a way to open myself

and invite her into the very center of me

how did empty become so fully filled

sated yet still hungering voraciously


there is no how there is no why

she taught me there simply is

how, because we could

because we did

~for my muse~

Thursday, January 16, 2014


she dropped the veil before me

and showed me her naked soul

she opened herself softly

and let me breathe her in

she wears the armor of a lifetime

of battles she has fought alone

unimaginable fortitude

silence her second name

she paints herself with a chiseled edge

yet in colours of softer hues

letting the eye distract the mind

from seeing too deeply in

the requisite trait of this virtue

immovable in her strength

firmly pressed against doors

opening and stepping in

she walks without hesitation

eyes and ears alert

gauging the landscape of her surroundings

before pausing to stand still

unlatching doors and turning on lights

leaving no stone unturned

dipping toes in the water

never fully submerged

last night she disrobed

standing fully in my view

walked to the water’s edge

and let the waves crash over her

she floated on its surface

on the crest of every wave

soft blonde hair darkening

as the water covered her

her body lithe and glistening

and the shimmer of midnight’s moon

like a dolphin leaping above the waves

and diving in again

slowly she surfaced from the sea

and stood tall within my gaze

she allowed me to wrap myself around her

and dry her soaking skin

she let me taste the salt

and breathe in the scent of the sea

until once again her skin became

warm to my touch

she leveled her eyes to mine

she smiled and held me close

she let me dress her slowly

before the sun rose again

~ a gift for my muse~



Friday, January 10, 2014

The Lesson~ letting go

this lesson far from being understood

something unleashed

wildly untamed

a force let loose

a feeling savage

raw, unnamed awake…


starting tightly bound

slipping slowly

floating lightly

just above the room

a soft exchange

words spent like time

passing into realms

where actions speak

slowly being taken

stretched and filled deep

pushed until the edges

cease to exist

caught in the wave

of the flowing back and forth

the axis of my balance

starts to spin

suddenly a shift, a switch

changing places

suddenly something

creeping over me

I move upon you

feeling like I own you

this need, desire

driving me beyond control

leading me from a depth

that has never been touched

emotion unleashed

that has always been restrained

letting go and allowing

all thought to leave my mind

opening to the body

feeling the soul

action becomes the measure

the tangible gauge

the visible expression

of what is felt

given name to things

that have never been expressed

the need to be heard

suddenly completely fulfilled




the lesson

there it is

I understand

what is learned

in the act

of letting go

~for my muse~

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

feeding the ache

the surface of my skin

has become a map

and she has begun

her voyage

the depth of my soul

has turned cerulean blue

and she has taken

to the sea

the ache in me

has become a sound

and she has begun

to sing

the life that had seeped

from the cracks upon me

has become

reborn again


it is something close to terrifying

the power that this woman holds

she has dug me up from the cold dead ground

and brought me to life again

she reaches into places

that had ceased to exist

that stopped breathing

lifetimes ago

with the touch

of her graceful fingertip

she has stirred

and awakened me

I quiver and shake

my body writhes

at the simple

introduction of her words

she has taught me

that the power I hold

is more than I

had ever allowed

allowed myself to be

allowed myself to feel

she fills me until I nearly explode

and then she says, ‘let go’

she treats me as if I honor her

when I am stripped bare and begging for more

and rewards me in ways that imagination

could not ever possibly dream

endless and without fail

I am never far from her

I feel her everywhere upon me

never left alone

with a skill that is driven by passion

a grace that is driven by lust

she has shown me what it means

to truly feel alive

I would eagerly bow in reverence

but she would tell me, ‘no’

she would tell me to stand before her

and look her in the eye

then she would take me slowly

until ravaged I would simply scream

her name would fall from my lips

and she would kiss me into sleep

~for my muse~