Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Create


lost in moving pictures

images on a screen

lost in the turning of pages

words turned into dreams

lost in the sound of a melody

in a power chord strum

lost in the open throated wail

that sings of joy and pain

there is a parallel world

that runs right beside this one

where make believe and magic

never stop their shenanigans

this the place where dreamers live

when they cannot make sense of this world

where they can become superheroes

with the strength of a thousand men

this is the place where love lives on

when life in this place has to end

this is the place where we write our own tales

no longer victims of life

there is something about dreamers and artists

something in the way that they move

something in the very depth of their bones

that pushes them beyond themselves 

*inspired by @mundxanth*

Monday, June 25, 2018

stories of the story


With her strange little sing song way

of wrapping her voice around words

She told me that I should have hope

and I tried to push her away

She found this somehow endearing

some sort of challenge for her to take on

And for four years and some odd few months

she never left me alone

She said she always knew

that she was fated to come to me

I only knew that I loved her

with a force I had never known

It was such an adventure, our time

limitations forcing us to dig

To reach into ourselves, our thoughts, our minds

to create a world where we could live

We set stages and painted backdrops

we wrote soundtracks and themes

I sang to her and she played for me

and the words flowed in reams

The poetry that she pulled from me

measures only the depth of the soul

That together we came to trust

and fearlessly learned to grow

~

She is gone now

and I feel the death that took her

It watches me from the shadows

from the dark corners of the room

I hear its laughter late into the night

the time, when she would come to me

I hear its snicker, its giggle of delight

because now it has her

It tempts and taunts me to join them

to creep into those corners

It leaves me crumbs of memories

and the echo of the sound of her voice

In the beginning, she fought

fiercely, she clung to life

She created in both our minds

a world where she wanted to live

But with the ticking hands of time

the Amazon grew weary

Her stamina and steam

becoming a slow, and gentle burn

She came to me less often

in the wee small hours of night

Where she once upon a time

kept me sleepless for days on end

She was quieter then

as the dusk settled in

No longer demanding

that her hunger be fed

That sing song voice once so musical

lost its lilt in the effort for breath

She became fragile and weary yet still

she comforted me until the end

She left me in quiet silence

I don’t know the exact day or time

The last words she wrote to me

still sick, getting better, trying…

for my muse

Saturday, June 9, 2018

days like today


it is on days like today that I remember

and the memories become as real as the moments in time

I remember the first time I dragged a blade

across the white of my skin

there was feeling of release

from the absolute need

to burst free

of the skin that held me tight

there was an exhale

of a breath that had been held

for longer

than I can remember

today brings back

the first time

I tossed back my head

and poured liquor into the depth of me

the warm release

as it poured through my veins

making something in me burn

allowing me to feel

it takes me back

to the first line I inhaled

and how I believed

that I would never hurt again

it’s days like today

where tears fall

on a schedule all their own

and I cannot contain them

it’s days like today

where my heart pounds

my ears ring

and breaths come short and fast

it’s days like today

where I want to run

as fast and as far

as my body will allow me to go

it’s days like today

where I don’t want to be anywhere

where I cannot sit still

and where I cannot move

it’s days like today

when I need a sunrise

and when I wish

to float away

Thursday, June 7, 2018

break


so many things

bring me to tears

I begin to become

unhinged

the edges are jagged

the seams come undone

what holds me together

anymore?

there is so much unsettled

so much unsure

so much of me

has fallen deep within

pieces are broken

cracked and torn away

I am tying up the pieces

with string

I don’t know how to hold it

how to keep my grip tight

when the muscles

have forgotten how to move

I am breaking again

I have splintered within

the shell no longer

keeping me alive


Saturday, June 2, 2018

100 Days...


it seems there are strings of moments

tied together by breaths

breaths short and fast

as if gasping to stay alive

I find myself in this place

one I have been before

for one reason or another

 connected by nothing but me

it’s been a hundred days or more

and I don’t know how to grieve

I only know how to drown myself

in this bottle turned upside down

you’d be disappointed I know

and I am starting to feel the same

why is this the only place

I know how to run to

how did I let myself become

so shutdown and alone

I dreamt and wished for so many years

about the life that we would live

and now that you are gone

I just want to follow you there

I know that I have to feel this

let this grief have a name

but it takes over every inch of me

and leaves me crippled and shaken

that’s why I hide in the numb

where I have hidden all my life

through liquids in clear glass bottles

or in lines sniffed up my nose

I had come so far from all of that

my strength had let me shine

now, once again, my shimmer has dulled

and I am wandering in the dark

I know that I am stronger than this

but I simply cannot find the ground

I am wavering on shaking legs

and the days just keep passing by