100 Days...

it seems there are strings of moments

tied together by breaths

breaths short and fast

as if gasping to stay alive

I find myself in this place

one I have been before

for one reason or another

 connected by nothing but me

it’s been a hundred days or more

and I don’t know how to grieve

I only know how to drown myself

in this bottle turned upside down

you’d be disappointed I know

and I am starting to feel the same

why is this the only place

I know how to run to

how did I let myself become

so shutdown and alone

I dreamt and wished for so many years

about the life that we would live

and now that you are gone

I just want to follow you there

I know that I have to feel this

let this grief have a name

but it takes over every inch of me

and leaves me crippled and shaken

that’s why I hide in the numb

where I have hidden all my life

through liquids in clear glass bottles

or in lines sniffed up my nose

I had come so far from all of that

my strength had let me shine

now, once again, my shimmer has dulled

and I am wandering in the dark

I know that I am stronger than this

but I simply cannot find the ground

I am wavering on shaking legs

and the days just keep passing by