it seems there are strings of moments
tied together by breaths
breaths short and fast
as if gasping to stay alive
I find myself in this place
one I have been before
for one reason or another
connected by nothing but me
it’s been a hundred days or more
and I don’t know how to grieve
I only know how to drown myself
in this bottle turned upside down
you’d be disappointed I know
and I am starting to feel the same
why is this the only place
I know how to run to
how did I let myself become
so shutdown and alone
I dreamt and wished for so many years
about the life that we would live
and now that you are gone
I just want to follow you there
I know that I have to feel this
let this grief have a name
but it takes over every inch of me
and leaves me crippled and shaken
that’s why I hide in the numb
where I have hidden all my life
through liquids in clear glass bottles
or in lines sniffed up my nose
I had come so far from all of that
my strength had let me shine
now, once again, my shimmer has
dulled
and I am wandering in the dark
I know that I am stronger than this
but I simply cannot find the ground
I am wavering on shaking legs
and the days just keep passing by
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