days like today

it is on days like today that I remember

and the memories become as real as the moments in time

I remember the first time I dragged a blade

across the white of my skin

there was feeling of release

from the absolute need

to burst free

of the skin that held me tight

there was an exhale

of a breath that had been held

for longer

than I can remember

today brings back

the first time

I tossed back my head

and poured liquor into the depth of me

the warm release

as it poured through my veins

making something in me burn

allowing me to feel

it takes me back

to the first line I inhaled

and how I believed

that I would never hurt again

it’s days like today

where tears fall

on a schedule all their own

and I cannot contain them

it’s days like today

where my heart pounds

my ears ring

and breaths come short and fast

it’s days like today

where I want to run

as fast and as far

as my body will allow me to go

it’s days like today

where I don’t want to be anywhere

where I cannot sit still

and where I cannot move

it’s days like today

when I need a sunrise

and when I wish

to float away