I wonder what made me think that I could do it
to live a life successfully with you.
I had hidden for years at the bottom of a bottle
and was trying to simply make my life pass away.
I was drowning and dying and living like a shadow
hollow and empty, an outline of a self.
I was wishing for death and far too slowly dying
numbing and hiding, trying to escape the pain.
You came along and swept me off my feet
caught me in your spell and the rest of the world disappeared.
You told me tales and stories and I believed them
I threw everything I had into the well.
I wished for you for so long and there you were
standing before me and asking me to be yours.
To come away and start a life together
where we could live out every one of our dreams.
I was scared and broken from that very first day
and I never knew how to ask you for help.
You made it so clear that you wanted someone safe and strong
and I tried so hard to be everything for you.
As the years went by I slowly disappeared again
into all the things I thought you wanted from me.
Until I forgot how to listen to the beating of my own heart
and I just shut down everything that needed you.
You had battles all your own and there was no place for me
I crept slowly back inside of myself waiting for you to find me.
You never came looking, you left me out there
wandering lost and alone.
And I soberly tried to understand where I had lost you
and what I did that was so wrong.
When did you stop loving me?
that’s the part I just don’t really know.
It was so confusing and twisted as the end came to pass
the back and forth on the chains of a swing.
You loved me and then you didn’t and then you did once again
and then three days later you were gone.
A phone call placed from another state
to tell me that it would never be the same.
That something was missing, something in you,
that thing that you just had to find.
Now you’ve found her and that what this all was about
and I still wonder what I did wrong.
So now I ache and weep and mourn
and try to find the me that I lost.
I try and stay clear and sober and strong
and I‘m trying to find my way back to life.