I want to (stop)

I want you to stop being the thing

that changes the shape of my smile.

I want to stop being the words

that so painfully fall from my lips.

I want to be able to walk away

with the ease that you walked from here.

I want to move forward, an upward and on

I’m the only thing that you left behind.

I want to stop feeling, stop bleeding, stop mourning

I want to forget your name.

I want to remember what it was to be me

I want to find myself again.

I want to erase you

 from my presently conscious mind.

It’s the only place you exist anymore

you so seamlessly disappeared.

I want to make this hate go away

but really I just cannot.

I want to make this hurt go away

but it just keeps holding on.

I want to let go of all of it

I held on for far too long.

I want to be blissfully ignorant of all that you are

I no longer have to understand.

I want to forget how deliberately

you chose her over me.

I want to forget how you lied about her

while wearing your mask in our bed.

I want to understand why I loved you

when you were clearly out for yourself.

I want to make sure that I never, ever

let anyone do this to me again.