I want to be more than this
more than I am today.
But the life that I loved just keeps falling away
and with it all that I had.
I’ve tried to be strong and tried to be true
to who I believed that I am.
But I keep getting smaller and keep getting weaker
I’m disappearing again.
I no longer care about anything
all the plans just keep falling apart.
A way out of here to brand new place
I’ve worked so hard for, now it’s gone.
There’s nothing left in me at all
just this ever growing, ever deepening need.
It’s coming out in all the wrong places
because there is nowhere left for me.
I’ve never been so alone in my life
never had nowhere to go.
Now nothing is all that I want
and I am nowhere completely at home.
I’m really just done with all of this
really just done with me.
I’m sick of myself and sick of the sound
of these words and my crying voice.
I want to disappear, I want to fade away
from the images and memories I see.
I’ve always been found on the outside
on the edge, at the gate, on the fringe.
This was the first time I truly believed
that what I had was mine.
That I was worthy and safe forever
and that I had a place to find my way.
I was wrong again as I always seem to be
again I wasn’t enough.
To hold you, to keep you from walking away
because I am never enough.