Enough

I want to be more than this

more than I am today.

But the life that I loved just keeps falling away

and with it all that I had.

I’ve tried to be strong and tried to be true

to who I believed that I am.

But I keep getting smaller and keep getting weaker

I’m disappearing again.

I no longer care about anything

all the plans just keep falling apart.

A way out of here to brand new place

I’ve worked so hard for, now it’s gone.

There’s nothing left in me at all

just this ever growing, ever deepening need.

It’s coming out in all the wrong places

because there is nowhere left for me.

I’ve never been so alone in my life

never had nowhere to go.

Now nothing is all that I want

and I am nowhere completely at home.

I’m really just done with all of this

really just done with me.

I’m sick of myself and sick of the sound

of these words and my crying voice.

I want to disappear, I want to fade away

from the images and memories I see.

I’ve always been found on the outside

on the edge, at the gate, on the fringe.

This was the first time I truly believed

that what I had was mine.

That I was worthy and safe forever

and that I had a place to find my way.

I was wrong again as I always seem to be

again I wasn’t enough.

To hold you, to keep you from walking away

because I am never enough.