Back To Life

I wonder what made me think that I could do it

to live a life successfully with you.

I had hidden for years at the bottom of a bottle

and was trying to simply make my life pass away.

I was drowning and dying and living like a shadow

 hollow and empty, an outline of a self.

I was wishing for death and far too slowly dying

numbing and hiding, trying to escape the pain.

You came along and swept me off my feet

caught me in your spell and the rest of the world disappeared.

You told me tales and stories and I believed them

I threw everything I had into the well.

I wished for you for so long and there you were

standing before me and asking me to be yours.

To come away and start a life together

where we could live out every one of our dreams.

I was scared and broken from that very first day

and I never knew how to ask you for help.

You made it so clear that you wanted someone safe and strong

and I tried so hard to be everything for you.

As the years went by I slowly disappeared again

into all the things I thought you wanted from me.

Until I forgot how to listen to the beating of my own heart

and I just shut down everything that needed you.

You had battles all your own and there was no place for me

I crept slowly back inside of myself waiting for you to find me.

You never came looking, you left me out there

wandering lost and alone.

And I soberly tried to understand where I had lost you

and what I did that was so wrong.

When did you stop loving me?

that’s the part I just don’t really know.

It was so confusing and twisted as the end came to pass

the back and forth on the chains of a swing.

You loved me and then you didn’t and then you did once again

and then three days later you were gone.

A phone call placed from another state

to tell me that it would never be the same.

That something was missing, something in you,

that thing that you just had to find.

Now you’ve found her and that what this all was about

and I still wonder what I did wrong.

So now I ache and weep and mourn

and try to find the me that I lost.

I try and stay clear and sober and strong

and I‘m trying to find my way back to life.