Sunday, May 6, 2012

I don't need "help"

I’m sick of the ‘self-helpy” jargon

that flows like water from your lips.

The sunshiney slogans and bumper sticker lines

that now define who you are.

Not everything wraps up in neat little packages

of ‘no matter what I’m ok!’

Sometimes it’s ugly and bloody and dirty

and we barely make it out alive.

An end is most certainly always an end

when the choices made weren’t yours.

The only beginning is that you are forced

to accept what you didn’t ask for.

This rhetoric sets off a firestorm

of unbridled anger in me.

Could someone simply validate the fact

that I am sitting here writhing in pain.

I don’t want to hear that tomorrow

will surely be a brighter day.

Or that someone better is waiting out there

and I will find my way.

I want to know  that you hear me

that my words mean something to you.

That you care that I am dying of a broken heart

and that right now that is all there is.

You can’t save me or fix it, I’m not asking you to

you can’t take away my pain.

But could you tell me you love me and sit with me awhile?

I feel the tears coming again.

This is the cycle, the circle of days

this is what does not end.

This wishing, the praying, the wanting, the ache

the simple need for a friend.

You don’t have to tell me anything

you don’t have to say a word.

Just stop telling me how this has all happened for a reason

and how one day it will all be clear.

I don’t care about one day, or someday, or whatever

I am bleeding now.

I am broken and blistered and falling away

can anyone hear me cry?

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