I Want...to fall away

It’s in moments like this that it’s hard

and in moments like this that I miss you.

It’s in moments like this where I am more than alone

and in moments like this when I cry.

My arms are strong but not strong enough

to hold myself close as this hurts.

I am strong but still not strong enough

to know how to make this cease.

Today was a day to celebrate

I was seen for who I am.

I was recognized for how hard I try

and told that it was not in vain.

Today I stood with people who I respect

and I held my own in their midst.

And now I sit alone in this room

and the celebration just feels sad.

I want to call you and tell you

about how this made me feel.

You’re the only one who knows how much I bled

to stand here in this place.

None of it matters now, it never did

it only mattered to me.

But it’s me who is still sitting here in this room

wishing that you were here.

So the sadness remains and the ache will linger

far longer than I think I can stand.

It takes me and shakes me and leaves me fighting

to breathe life back into these lungs.

I am sore, I am aching, I am fighting to hold

some shred of why I need to be here.

On days like this and nights like these

I just want to fall away.