It’s in moments like this that it’s hard
and in moments like this that I miss you.
It’s in moments like this where I am more than alone
and in moments like this when I cry.
My arms are strong but not strong enough
to hold myself close as this hurts.
I am strong but still not strong enough
to know how to make this cease.
Today was a day to celebrate
I was seen for who I am.
I was recognized for how hard I try
and told that it was not in vain.
Today I stood with people who I respect
and I held my own in their midst.
And now I sit alone in this room
and the celebration just feels sad.
I want to call you and tell you
about how this made me feel.
You’re the only one who knows how much I bled
to stand here in this place.
None of it matters now, it never did
it only mattered to me.
But it’s me who is still sitting here in this room
wishing that you were here.
So the sadness remains and the ache will linger
far longer than I think I can stand.
It takes me and shakes me and leaves me fighting
to breathe life back into these lungs.
I am sore, I am aching, I am fighting to hold
some shred of why I need to be here.
On days like this and nights like these
I just want to fall away.