The 2nd

This isn’t the first time that I’ve stood here

my feet have worn their soles into this path.

The problem is I know it all too well

and that is why I end up here time and again.

I’m small today so small I am barely seen

my sharp edges have all become round and soft.

I’m tender and timid and feeling fragile

I can’t take too much light or sound.

The voices that are laughing outside my window

the jets that keep screaming overhead.

Make my ears feel as if they’re bleeding

I’m ready to let this day come to an end.

It’s the second one, I know how this all goes

tomorrow, the next day, they’ll be about the same.

And then slowly the agitation will set in

and I will be able to take action to make that change.

But today I am still within the cocoon of way too raw

everything feels as if my skin has been burned.

My heart hurts and I feel like I’m on a tightrope

the balance bar nearly slipping from my hands.

Bread and butter, a bowl of soup, a cup of vanilla tea

curled up in my blanket even though it’s spring.

This is how the healing comes when there is no one to hold my hand

and I have to learn to hold it for myself.