unexpected...

today I saw a picture of your face

somewhere I did not expect your face to be

it startled me much more than I would have thought

the nausea rolling over me like a wave

the picture of you is one that I truly hate

I remember the first time I caught a glimpse

it was the first time you looked like a stranger to me

and today nothing about that feeling has changed

I try so hard not to think of you anymore

not to entertain the notion in my head

of trying to truly understand what happened

it’s done it should be buried with the dead

I’ve been doing well reaching into other parts of me

seeing what I find and bringing words to life

delving into other states of mind

dreaming about things other than the loss of you

but today I feel shaken and rattled to my core

just seeing you there made me feel unsafe

made me feel nervous and weak and small

and took me right back to that awful place

the place where I spent time simply mourning

the place where I left all of the dreams I had

the place where I threw my ring into the river

the place that I had to walk away from alone

I’m here now and I’m left to simply wonder

about the day that this will cease to break my heart

I still don’t know what else I am supposed to do

but today I feel like I’m right back at the start.