Trying to write it away

I know that I sound crazy, obsessed, unhinged

I know that I sound like I’ll never get over you.

I’m trying to be real and feel it as it comes

I’m trying to keep writing through the pain.

I miss you more than I ever thought I could feel anything

I hurt and I ache and I bleed and I mourn.

I don’t know how to get over this but to feel it for all that it is

and to hopefully come out one day on the other side.

There are hateful ugly things to feel and words I have to say

just to get them out of my heart.

There are also words that I cannot say just yet

like that you were the love of my life.

I have to hold on to the anger to keep me distantly estranged

because right now I can’t take the pain of missing you.

It’s not even that I want you to come back anymore

I know that you don’t love me but I still do.

I know that a long time probably passed

where I was the only one in this thing we had.

I wish that I had known before you ran off to be with her

so I could have told you not to come home.

I wish that through it all you hadn’t lied to me

it would have made this all such a different thing.

It wouldn’t have taken my self-respect and dignity

and I would have been able to know you one day again.

You took me for granted and you treated me like anyone

when I was supposed to be the person you loved.

There are so many days when I still can’t believe that this is you

but the truth is painfully there in you and her.

I’m sorry that I can’t just let it go

sorry that I can’t just stop feeling the loss of you.

I’m sorry for what we lost and what we can never have again

I wish that it hadn’t gone the way it did.