Trying to have patience

I’m trying to have patience with myself

through this process, this time of trying to heal.

I’m trying to be kind and compassionate

but I’m tired of this defining who I am.

You went out and built another life,

fell in love with someone else and walked away.

I was trying to hold everything together

and completely let myself be lost in you.

So now you’re gone and on to your new life

and I am sitting here in a broken mountain of me.

I’ve got no one to turn to, no one who can hear me

day to day as I try to make sense of these things.

I’m missing you each and every day

when in reality I should hate you for what you did.

I don’t even know now if it’s because I truly love you

or because I am simply so alone.

You did horrible, terrible things to me in the process

of chasing after what you needed to find.

You betrayed my trust, you lied, you cheated on what we had

all so you could feel that honeymoon feeling again.

I loved you with everything that I had

with every skill I possessed I tried to care for you.

I put you first to the point of my exclusion

and now there is simply nothing left of me.

You’ve moved on, I’m quite sure I’m not even a passing thought

at any time on any given day.

For me it’s different, you are all I think about

you and why I wasn’t enough for you.

I get, I know, it’s becoming a vicious circle

of twisted, messed up thoughts inside my head.

The broken pieces of me that I keep picking up

and trying to put back together again.

It’s messy here, it’s even ugly sometimes

misplaced pieces, and the ever present confusion of thought.

Feelings that I cannot find a way to comfort

a broken heart that I fear will never mend.