I’m trying to have patience with myself
through this process, this time of trying to heal.
I’m trying to be kind and compassionate
but I’m tired of this defining who I am.
You went out and built another life,
fell in love with someone else and walked away.
I was trying to hold everything together
and completely let myself be lost in you.
So now you’re gone and on to your new life
and I am sitting here in a broken mountain of me.
I’ve got no one to turn to, no one who can hear me
day to day as I try to make sense of these things.
I’m missing you each and every day
when in reality I should hate you for what you did.
I don’t even know now if it’s because I truly love you
or because I am simply so alone.
You did horrible, terrible things to me in the process
of chasing after what you needed to find.
You betrayed my trust, you lied, you cheated on what we had
all so you could feel that honeymoon feeling again.
I loved you with everything that I had
with every skill I possessed I tried to care for you.
I put you first to the point of my exclusion
and now there is simply nothing left of me.
You’ve moved on, I’m quite sure I’m not even a passing thought
at any time on any given day.
For me it’s different, you are all I think about
you and why I wasn’t enough for you.
I get, I know, it’s becoming a vicious circle
of twisted, messed up thoughts inside my head.
The broken pieces of me that I keep picking up
and trying to put back together again.
It’s messy here, it’s even ugly sometimes
misplaced pieces, and the ever present confusion of thought.
Feelings that I cannot find a way to comfort
a broken heart that I fear will never mend.