Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Confused by you

I have reached my limit, had my fill

of words that make no sense.

Words betrayed by actions and choices

words that just ring hollow now.

I’m finally willing to admit

that I have no idea who you are.

I probably never did

was this always you?

I came to the place a few days ago

where I made a choice to choose me.

To let go of letting you hurt me again

when that’s all you seem able to do.

Now today you tell me you are mourning

and are feeling the same things I feel.

The loss, the pain, you are grieving as well

I’m sorry I don’t understand.

You went straight into someone else’s arms

without pausing to take a breath.

Exactly what are you mourning

and where do you fit that in?

What are you doing with someone, anyone

if you’re feeling things that are ‘so hard’ to feel?

You can’t mourn me while you are living with her

can you hear how twisted that is?

I don’t care about whatever happens to her

 she chose her path too.

She knew about me, she knew about us

the sad thing is she thinks she knows you.

Is this just another compartment

that you have hidden stuff in?

You said you weren’t asking for sympathy or empathy

don’t worry, you won’t get it from me.

 These are not the words of someone whose conscience

is working as it should.

Can you sleep at night, I wonder?

it scares me if you can.

 I don’t understand what you said, I just don’t

and two days ago it would have sucked me in.

To feeling compassion for how tortured you are

how did I always fall for that?

If you are hurting or mourning me

then you should not be living with her.

Maybe this is just the evidence I needed to see

to accept how truly different we are.

We don’t have the same beliefs

about what is right and wrong.

How many times will you make this mistake

before you realize it is destined to fail?

You swore it was about being alone and finding yourself

digging in to who you are.

After six months alone, I’ve barely broken my surface

and this is where I can start.

I hope when you find yourself here again

in this place that you always come to.

That you do a better job making choices

of how to find your way out of the mess.

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