I have reached my limit, had my fill
of words that make no sense.
Words betrayed by actions and choices
words that just ring hollow now.
I’m finally willing to admit
that I have no idea who you are.
I probably never did
was this always you?
I came to the place a few days ago
where I made a choice to choose me.
To let go of letting you hurt me again
when that’s all you seem able to do.
Now today you tell me you are mourning
and are feeling the same things I feel.
The loss, the pain, you are grieving as well
I’m sorry I don’t understand.
You went straight into someone else’s arms
without pausing to take a breath.
Exactly what are you mourning
and where do you fit that in?
What are you doing with someone, anyone
if you’re feeling things that are ‘so hard’ to feel?
You can’t mourn me while you are living with her
can you hear how twisted that is?
I don’t care about whatever happens to her
she chose her path too.
She knew about me, she knew about us
the sad thing is she thinks she knows you.
Is this just another compartment
that you have hidden stuff in?
You said you weren’t asking for sympathy or empathy
don’t worry, you won’t get it from me.
These are not the words of someone whose conscience
is working as it should.
Can you sleep at night, I wonder?
it scares me if you can.
I don’t understand what you said, I just don’t
and two days ago it would have sucked me in.
To feeling compassion for how tortured you are
how did I always fall for that?
If you are hurting or mourning me
then you should not be living with her.
Maybe this is just the evidence I needed to see
to accept how truly different we are.
We don’t have the same beliefs
about what is right and wrong.
How many times will you make this mistake
before you realize it is destined to fail?
You swore it was about being alone and finding yourself
digging in to who you are.
After six months alone, I’ve barely broken my surface
and this is where I can start.
I hope when you find yourself here again
in this place that you always come to.
That you do a better job making choices
of how to find your way out of the mess.