From my heart...

All of my pillows are tear stained

in the shape and shadow of the image of your face.

All of my memories are vivid

and sharp and clear and they never leave me alone.

I heard from you the other day

in a random scattered piece of a conversation.

I sent you something of me

and in return heard words I didn't expect.

I want to tell you a thousand things

in response to what you have said.

Want to cradle you in the knowledge

of who I always believed you were.

But you have chosen another road

and to let the choices choose you.

This is not the way you have to be

or the life you have to live.

We could have been anything

if we’d only dug in our heels.

If we’d both bared our souls

and trusted the love we shared.

I’ll always hold the possibility of you

 deep inside my heart.

And you will always hold me

that’s why you haven’t mourned.

You’re running, I see you

as you silently pass me by.

In a blur, in a haze, in a fog

in the hope that I won’t see.

But I see you, I feel you

and you know that I always will.

I wouldn’t know how to let you go

if it was the last thing I had to do.

But I can’t hold you now

if you don’t want to be held.

I can’t know you now

when you don’t want to be known.

I will love you forever and I

will try to mend my shattered heart.

And I will hope that you will one day

take the time to mend your own.

I take you to bed each night

as I lay down here alone.

And I dream of you

with a smile on your face.

If you ever wonder, or want to

remember who you are.

Come back and find me

and sit down next to me here.

You are part of me for always

and that is never going to change.

But I cannot be a part

of what you are doing now.

I can’t watch you recklessly

leaping into another’s arms.

But go and find it

and run as fast as you need to go.

Someday maybe paths will lead us back here

to the place where we both felt like we were home.

To a place where we can share what we have learned

and a place where we will never feel so alone.

I am trying to find out what I lost

and why I couldn’t tell you I needed you.

What was broken still needs fixing

and I’ve got my box of tools.

I hope that you have yours

and you can use them.

I hope you have a place

where you are safe.

I hope you have a place

where you feel strong.

I hope one day

you can listen to the silence.

I hope one day

you won’t have to run from the sound.