Fighting In Vain

Another night of vainly feigning sleep

with moments where I actually drift off for a while.

That little time is fleeting and filled with angst

I dream of things that continue to break me in two.

I dream of things I forever gave away

like the chance to ever love anyone again.

I gave my heart and soul to you forever

and when you left they followed right after you.

I dream of intimacy that I’ll never have again

hasty decisions took that away from me.

I never stood for the things I should have stood for

because I believed that you would always be with me.

I dream of why I’m here so far away

from family, friends, and everyone I know.

I gave it all away and gave it all up for you

and now I don’t have anything to go back to.

We built a life, we spent years just you and I

and now we can’t even see each other’s face.

Me, because you broke my heart and I’m still in love with you

you, I don’t know why, I wish I did.

What is the point of relationships and working

to build a life, to try and build a home?

To give every part of all you are to someone

and then for them to simply walk away.

This is all I can think of anymore

and when I finally fall asleep it’s all I dream.

I can’t find a way to accept all of the loss that was forced on me

I can’t find a way to let go of all of this pain.

I fight all day to stay where the light is brighter

but by the end of the day the darkness knocks at the door.

I feel so small and tired as I make a valiant stand

but I don’t really know what I’m fighting for.

I don’t care anymore and I’ll never do this again

I’ll never give my heart to anyone else.

So does it matter if I ever heal my raw and bleeding wounds

it’s only me now and I’ve been broken for so long.