Another night of vainly feigning sleep
with moments where I actually drift off for a while.
That little time is fleeting and filled with angst
I dream of things that continue to break me in two.
I dream of things I forever gave away
like the chance to ever love anyone again.
I gave my heart and soul to you forever
and when you left they followed right after you.
I dream of intimacy that I’ll never have again
hasty decisions took that away from me.
I never stood for the things I should have stood for
because I believed that you would always be with me.
I dream of why I’m here so far away
from family, friends, and everyone I know.
I gave it all away and gave it all up for you
and now I don’t have anything to go back to.
We built a life, we spent years just you and I
and now we can’t even see each other’s face.
Me, because you broke my heart and I’m still in love with you
you, I don’t know why, I wish I did.
What is the point of relationships and working
to build a life, to try and build a home?
To give every part of all you are to someone
and then for them to simply walk away.
This is all I can think of anymore
and when I finally fall asleep it’s all I dream.
I can’t find a way to accept all of the loss that was forced on me
I can’t find a way to let go of all of this pain.
I fight all day to stay where the light is brighter
but by the end of the day the darkness knocks at the door.
I feel so small and tired as I make a valiant stand
but I don’t really know what I’m fighting for.
I don’t care anymore and I’ll never do this again
I’ll never give my heart to anyone else.
So does it matter if I ever heal my raw and bleeding wounds
it’s only me now and I’ve been broken for so long.