Independence

Independence is just an illusion

when it wasn’t your choice.

Freedom just another word

for being alone.

The beginning and the end of any relationship

end up being the most intensely passionate times.

When the spark ignites and you both are caught in the fire

and in the end when it dies and one of you is getting burned.

Disconnected, dispassionate and solemnly disenchanted

I think about words like forever and I promise you.

I bitterly swallow the memories

and the taste of how hollow and empty those words were.

It’s really something to think about but we never do

when caught up in the whirlwind of the first kiss.

When the first words and first times and first moments

blind us into to forgetting that there will be a last.

A last time that I looked into your eyes, or kissed you

or quietly and gently held you close.

A last time that I heard your voice or called your name

the last time that I ever saw your face.

At that point all of the firsts become quite different

the first holiday or anniversary that you spend alone.

The first night you spend in your very own apartment

the first time you truly realize she is gone.

There is nothing about independence to celebrate

when you are simply fighting to survive the pain.

When you are trying to understand how leaving you set them free

when it was just the way to be with someone else.

So freedom and independence become a jagged double edged sword

as you are forced to embrace them or they will leave you for dead.

You are forced to accept the cards that you were dealt

and if you survive that’s the celebration you get.

Feels like second prize or second place

feels like simply getting what is left.

So never show the dealer what you’re holding

especially when you are playing with their deck.