Independence is just an illusion
when it wasn’t your choice.
Freedom just another word
for being alone.
The beginning and the end of any relationship
end up being the most intensely passionate times.
When the spark ignites and you both are caught in the fire
and in the end when it dies and one of you is getting burned.
Disconnected, dispassionate and solemnly disenchanted
I think about words like forever and I promise you.
I bitterly swallow the memories
and the taste of how hollow and empty those words were.
It’s really something to think about but we never do
when caught up in the whirlwind of the first kiss.
When the first words and first times and first moments
blind us into to forgetting that there will be a last.
A last time that I looked into your eyes, or kissed you
or quietly and gently held you close.
A last time that I heard your voice or called your name
the last time that I ever saw your face.
At that point all of the firsts become quite different
the first holiday or anniversary that you spend alone.
The first night you spend in your very own apartment
the first time you truly realize she is gone.
There is nothing about independence to celebrate
when you are simply fighting to survive the pain.
When you are trying to understand how leaving you set them free
when it was just the way to be with someone else.
So freedom and independence become a jagged double edged sword
as you are forced to embrace them or they will leave you for dead.
You are forced to accept the cards that you were dealt
and if you survive that’s the celebration you get.
Feels like second prize or second place
feels like simply getting what is left.
So never show the dealer what you’re holding
especially when you are playing with their deck.