Seeking resolve

I want to dig in with determination

I want to find resolve.

I want to get through the stages

and just be done with them.

I want to feel and live and move through it

as fully and completely as I can.

And then move on to the next phase

and repeat those steps again.

I don’t want to have to keep reliving this

every time I feel something new.

Every time another memory passes me by

and takes me back to the place where we lived.

I want to stop hurting, stop feeling this pain

this deep, paralyzing ache.

I want to move forward and onward and into my life

I want you to just fade away in the breeze.

Maybe I could stay with anger,

that’s the one that seems to do the most good.

It keeps me energized and in need of motion

but then the guilt always creeps back in.

Guilt for being angry at you

 even after all that you did.

It’s ridiculous to even say it now

but I loved you with all that I am.

So I don’t know how to stay mad at you

and I don’t know how to let you go.

Maybe if I had been better at that

you wouldn’t have let me go.