I want to dig in with determination
I want to find resolve.
I want to get through the stages
and just be done with them.
I want to feel and live and move through it
as fully and completely as I can.
And then move on to the next phase
and repeat those steps again.
I don’t want to have to keep reliving this
every time I feel something new.
Every time another memory passes me by
and takes me back to the place where we lived.
I want to stop hurting, stop feeling this pain
this deep, paralyzing ache.
I want to move forward and onward and into my life
I want you to just fade away in the breeze.
Maybe I could stay with anger,
that’s the one that seems to do the most good.
It keeps me energized and in need of motion
but then the guilt always creeps back in.
Guilt for being angry at you
even after all that you did.
It’s ridiculous to even say it now
but I loved you with all that I am.
So I don’t know how to stay mad at you
and I don’t know how to let you go.
Maybe if I had been better at that
you wouldn’t have let me go.