Stupid

I still miss you every day and it’s stupid

stupid, really, because you are so far away.

Far away from me and the life we shared

far away from the girl that I once knew.

None of it even matters now

we’ll never speak again.

I’ll never see your face

and we’ll never be friends.

Even though I miss you with a passion

I can’t forget the things you said and did.

I can’t forgive what you’re not sorry for

you’re only sorry that you got caught and I know.

So again, it’s stupid with all that being said

that I would miss someone who treated me this way.

But I do and I’m the idiot who still dreams of you each night

and wants to be able to blame it all on her.

You are the one who did this and I know that

whether or not it was ever really about us.

I knew you would do this one day, when you did this with me

and I should have been strong enough to do what I knew was right.

I wanted to believe that you truly loved me

in that short time how could it possibly have been true.

I only knew that I had loved you for such a long time

and whatever made me believe I still can’t let go.

It’s eating away a giant piece of my soul

but at least now it will match my savagely broken heart.

A hollow place inside me that will always hold that dream

no matter how foolish, how stupid, I can’t let it go.

It’s a feeling an emotion pure and strong

something that is set deep within the center of me.

I can’t shake it, I can’t reason with it, tell it what to do

most of the time it is leading the way.

So I simply try to live with it and nurse it

feed the open wounds with tender care.

Try and heal and maybe one day it will only be a scar

instead of this thing that is bleeding my life away.