Friday, July 27, 2012

Nothing makes any sense

I’m tired of waking every day

in this weakened state of mind.

I’m tired of feeling

like somehow I am wrong.

I’m tired of feeling hate and disgust

and resentment at you and your life.

But all that I can remember

is how you lied and cheated on me.

You didn’t owe me anything, right

I’m not supposed to expect.

That you would be honest and you

would treat me with dignity.

What were we doing then

committed and building a life?

Well, what were you doing

I know the answer I’ll give.

So I am feeling worse every day

because I can’t let go of this rage.

I can’t let go of what I feel

in response to what you did.

It shouldn’t matter, I know, I get it

but in the way I view the world, it does.

I believe in accountability

and owning what you do.

I believe in asking forgiveness

for whatever it is you’ve done.

You told me I didn’t do anything

that it was you, it wasn’t me.

I can’t process that, I don’t know how

to reconcile something that doesn’t exist.

If it wasn’t me
then why am I suffering all this pain?

Can’t you see it from here

from my broken point of view?

Could you try and then

tell me what I am supposed to do?

It if wasn’t me and it was you

at least you owe me that.

I just can’t make sense of

any of this anymore.

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