I’m tired of waking every day
in this weakened state of mind.
I’m tired of feeling
like somehow I am wrong.
I’m tired of feeling hate and disgust
and resentment at you and your life.
But all that I can remember
is how you lied and cheated on me.
You didn’t owe me anything, right
I’m not supposed to expect.
That you would be honest and you
would treat me with dignity.
What were we doing then
committed and building a life?
Well, what were you doing
I know the answer I’ll give.
So I am feeling worse every day
because I can’t let go of this rage.
I can’t let go of what I feel
in response to what you did.
It shouldn’t matter, I know, I get it
but in the way I view the world, it does.
I believe in accountability
and owning what you do.
I believe in asking forgiveness
for whatever it is you’ve done.
You told me I didn’t do anything
that it was you, it wasn’t me.
I can’t process that, I don’t know how
to reconcile something that doesn’t exist.
If it wasn’t me
then why am I suffering all this pain?
Can’t you see it from here
from my broken point of view?
Could you try and then
tell me what I am supposed to do?
It if wasn’t me and it was you
at least you owe me that.
I just can’t make sense of
any of this anymore.