Lying here with the full intent
of wiling away the morning.
Drifting in and out of the twilight place
where awake and sleep collide.
I love this time, this quiet,
before the day has come to life.
Before the world and all that it carries
settles into my thoughts.
This morning though, I’m not at peace
something has broken the spell.
Reminding me of the self-defining term
They used to haunt me regularly
and wake me from my sleep.
A gasp of air, a racing pulse
and all at once, wide awake.
Every time I would drift off again
it was like a cycle of up and down.
The beating heart, the dizzying feeling
that something is horribly wrong.
I know now why it happened back then
it became a part of my life.
I think I went years without a proper night’s rest
and moved with a half-life through my day.
Now I don’t see the reason though
for this to settle on me today.
Something unsaid, something undone,
someone needs to hear their name.
So I lie hear now and listen
trying to hear past the whir and the buzz.
Of a blurry mind and a racing heart
to what is truly going on.