hate

I continue to simmer slowly

like water waiting to boil.

Heat from a flame that I cannot see

that resides in the center of my chest.

It makes it hard to breath sometimes

my cheeks will flush at the thought.

The physical responses to the thought of you

have not subsided a bit.

I lie awake at night

my mind on this ever running loop.

The pictures of you, the pictures of her

and the things I wish I never knew.

I’m broken now, used, cast aside

that thing that got thrown away.

Not just by you, but by me too I guess

I don’t know how let this all go.

I ache and I mourn with a vengeance now

I seethe and I see things in red.

There is really only one word to describe it

I am filled with a bitter hate.

The sad thing about it is the person I hate

has really turned out to be me.

I gave up all that I ever was

in the vain hope of feeling your love.

I was fine in the beginning

I had balance when it came to you.

I was willing to take the risk of a lifetime

and blissfully run away.

Before we ever got there the truth set in

and that fear in the back of my mind.

Teasing and taunting and whispering to me

that I already knew what would come.

I fought with bleeding, blistered hands

 to hold to you even then.

I turned myself inside out

begging you to see me.

You never did, you never will

you don’t see beyond yourself.

That’s the one thing I wish I had learned from you

instead I just learned to hate.