I continue to simmer slowly
like water waiting to boil.
Heat from a flame that I cannot see
that resides in the center of my chest.
It makes it hard to breath sometimes
my cheeks will flush at the thought.
The physical responses to the thought of you
have not subsided a bit.
I lie awake at night
my mind on this ever running loop.
The pictures of you, the pictures of her
and the things I wish I never knew.
I’m broken now, used, cast aside
that thing that got thrown away.
Not just by you, but by me too I guess
I don’t know how let this all go.
I ache and I mourn with a vengeance now
I seethe and I see things in red.
There is really only one word to describe it
I am filled with a bitter hate.
The sad thing about it is the person I hate
has really turned out to be me.
I gave up all that I ever was
in the vain hope of feeling your love.
I was fine in the beginning
I had balance when it came to you.
I was willing to take the risk of a lifetime
and blissfully run away.
Before we ever got there the truth set in
and that fear in the back of my mind.
Teasing and taunting and whispering to me
that I already knew what would come.
I fought with bleeding, blistered hands
to hold to you even then.
I turned myself inside out
begging you to see me.
You never did, you never will
you don’t see beyond yourself.
That’s the one thing I wish I had learned from you
instead I just learned to hate.