Soaking, polluted, drowning,
today I will spend the day numb.
I don’t want to feel any of this
I already know how to bleed.
I thought that you saw me; I know that you heard me
but for me that wasn’t enough.
I had to stand before you naked
so that you could tell me no.
I pull the pillow over my head
to block out all of the light.
I don’t want to see myself today
I’m not liking who I am.
I hate that I opened the door
hate that I stepped outside.
I don’t know how to behave out there
with other people around.
Really it’s just me
that keeps on making mistakes.
I can’t just enjoy simple happiness
it has to be filled with angst.
With pain, with regret, with longing
with ache, with something raw.
It has to become lines on a page
before I know what it is.
I don’t know now about this though
I don’t know what to say.
I want to run and hide
in a place that has no words.
This is just me bleeding
letting all of it go.
Don’t worry, don’t sweat it, don’t think twice
really, I’ll be fine.