fine

Soaking, polluted, drowning,

today I will spend the day numb.

I don’t want to feel any of this

I already know how to bleed.

I thought that you saw me; I know that you heard me

but for me that wasn’t enough.

I had to stand before you naked

so that you could tell me no.

I pull the pillow over my head

to block out all of the light.

I don’t want to see myself today

I’m not liking who I am.

I hate that I opened the door

hate that I stepped outside.

I don’t know how to behave out there

with other people around.

Really it’s just me

that keeps on making mistakes.

I can’t just enjoy simple happiness

it has to be filled with angst.

With pain, with regret, with longing

with ache, with something raw.

It has to become lines on a page

before I know what it is.

I don’t know now about this though

I don’t know what to say.

I want to run and hide

in a place that has no words.

This is just me bleeding

letting all of it go.

Don’t worry, don’t sweat it, don’t think twice

really, I’ll be fine.