Falling Short

This is just one more way in the list of many

where I fall short of what you need.

Maybe that’s not what your words said

but the intent was certainly felt.

Maybe I know too much about you

and have been trapped within a regimented set of responses.

With each word spoken, I run wildly through what my heart wants to say

discarding every word with the memory of your past reactions.

I’ve fashioned my own little handbook really, the do’ and don’ts,

the how to’s and what not’s of what the words will do.

I listened too hard and took it to much to heart

and it has left me with nothing to say.

May be that’s why for them it’s so easy

to choose the perfect words.

No memory has been etched within them

of what a poorly made choice will affect.

I am trying as hard as my heart will allow

to love in the ways that you need.

If I had any idea what that was at this point

do you think I wouldn’t give it all to you?

I feel completely ill equipped

 and I have no idea what to do.

The proverbial bumbling idiot

and away I want to run.

Away from here, away from this place

from the things that I cannot control.

Away from this angst and the bleeding of my heart

to that silent place where I used to live.