This is just one more way in the list of many
where I fall short of what you need.
Maybe that’s not what your words said
but the intent was certainly felt.
Maybe I know too much about you
and have been trapped within a regimented set of responses.
With each word spoken, I run wildly through what my heart wants to say
discarding every word with the memory of your past reactions.
I’ve fashioned my own little handbook really, the do’ and don’ts,
the how to’s and what not’s of what the words will do.
I listened too hard and took it to much to heart
and it has left me with nothing to say.
May be that’s why for them it’s so easy
to choose the perfect words.
No memory has been etched within them
of what a poorly made choice will affect.
I am trying as hard as my heart will allow
to love in the ways that you need.
If I had any idea what that was at this point
do you think I wouldn’t give it all to you?
I feel completely ill equipped
and I have no idea what to do.
The proverbial bumbling idiot
and away I want to run.
Away from here, away from this place
from the things that I cannot control.
Away from this angst and the bleeding of my heart
to that silent place where I used to live.