Trying to let go

last night was the first night in a long time

that I finally slept in my own bed.

instead of twisting myself up on the couch

to keep this all contained.

there is something about the safety

and comfort of those wine colored sheets.

wrapped up and cushioned in pillows

that is conducive to letting go.

the feelings come like a waterfall

the rush, the force, the flow.

the dreams fill up the darkness

and there is nothing to do but feel.

I’m sick and tired of feeling this

I’d like it to just go away.

the raw nerves, the exposed heart

me out here on display.

I feel like I am transparent most days

that I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I know I do I’ve been told that fact

over and over again.

I bleed openly and joy is the same

it’s all laid out here on this page.

I feel and I feel and I feel and I feel

and sometimes don’t know what to do with it.

I’ve tried to push this all away

into compartments and close them up.

to put keys into drawers and shut them

so that this will all go away.

it doesn’t, it won’t, it feels as if

you are sitting here in this room.

the unfinished conversation

just hangs openly in the air.

the unresolved emotion

the things we’ll never know.

just sit there staring and taunting

waiting to see what I will do.

what can I do? I’ve done it

I’ve laid out my heart and my dreams.

it wasn’t the place, it wasn’t the time

I wasn’t the one you need.