last night was the first night in a long time
that I finally slept in my own bed.
instead of twisting myself up on the couch
to keep this all contained.
there is something about the safety
and comfort of those wine colored sheets.
wrapped up and cushioned in pillows
that is conducive to letting go.
the feelings come like a waterfall
the rush, the force, the flow.
the dreams fill up the darkness
and there is nothing to do but feel.
I’m sick and tired of feeling this
I’d like it to just go away.
the raw nerves, the exposed heart
me out here on display.
I feel like I am transparent most days
that I wear my heart on my sleeve.
I know I do I’ve been told that fact
over and over again.
I bleed openly and joy is the same
it’s all laid out here on this page.
I feel and I feel and I feel and I feel
and sometimes don’t know what to do with it.
I’ve tried to push this all away
into compartments and close them up.
to put keys into drawers and shut them
so that this will all go away.
it doesn’t, it won’t, it feels as if
you are sitting here in this room.
the unfinished conversation
just hangs openly in the air.
the unresolved emotion
the things we’ll never know.
just sit there staring and taunting
waiting to see what I will do.
what can I do? I’ve done it
I’ve laid out my heart and my dreams.
it wasn’t the place, it wasn’t the time
I wasn’t the one you need.