Sunday, April 1, 2012

April Fool

I feel like the jester, the fool of the court

the joker behind the mask.

I feel like I’m dying on the inside

and all anyone wants is a laugh.

I’m sure that I should be over this by now

that I should have healed and stopped feeling this pain.

But I’m not and I haven’t and I’m doing all I can

and it just seems to keep coming back.

Today I saw a friend of yours whom I haven’t seen since you left

immediately I felt myself start to shake.

It was brief and ‘how are you?’ without an answer expected

and I just came home and wept.

I am trying to keep myself healthy and strong

and just waiting to get out of here.

I don’t want to be in this place anymore

there is too much of you everywhere.

It’s not about you and what I wish I had

you’re gone and you’re not coming back.

It’s just about me and how to survive

and how to stand up against the pain.

The sobering silence, the quiet alone

no longer brings solace or peace.

It’s lonely, it’s hard, I’m scared, and I hurt

I just want to put that mask in place. 

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