Saturday, April 28, 2012

The reasons I can't forgive

I’m thinking about the reasons why

the reasons I can’t forgive.

I think what it all comes down to

is that you aren’t sorry for what you did.

You betrayed me with clear intent

to deceive me and lead me to believe,

That you were faithful and loved me

yet you simply made a fool of me.

Leaving traces and clues out openly

that you must have wanted me to find.

That way you never had to simply admit

the things you had said and done.

How exactly did you love me

while you lay down with her in her bed?

And where was the “most important person in your life”

while your lips were touching hers?

I knew what you felt and knew what you did

yet I tried so hard to believe.

The words that you said when you looked in my eyes

and when you lay down in bed next to me.

You broke my heart in ways

that I never thought you would do.

And you’ve never apologized for what you did

only that I ended up hurt.

The ownership in that, the responsibility,

in those words is clearly implied.

You don’t believe what you did was wrong,

only that I got in the way.

The fact that you remain with her

in motion, in act, in word.

Further speaks to the truth that your only intent

was to leave me so you could be with her.

Whether or not we had come to an end

is no longer a relevant fact.

You cheated on me, you just couldn’t wait

to respectfully leave me first.

Those actions will always define

the ending of our life.

You took away everything we once shared

as you selfishly fed your desires.

What would you expect from me now

to simply forgive and forget?

To be in each other’s lives “in places”

exactly what place is that?

You publicly courted her and I watched you

and you knew when you were caught.

Yet you stood there naked before me

and swore I was who you loved.

Your actions since have blatantly shown me

exactly what I mean to you.

I hope that you never have to feel how that feels

I hope it was worth it to you.

If you ever wonder why I can’t forgive

those are the reasons why.

You don’t care anyway and it doesn’t matter

but somehow I still have to heal.

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