I’m thinking about the reasons why
the reasons I can’t forgive.
I think what it all comes down to
is that you aren’t sorry for what you did.
You betrayed me with clear intent
to deceive me and lead me to believe,
That you were faithful and loved me
yet you simply made a fool of me.
Leaving traces and clues out openly
that you must have wanted me to find.
That way you never had to simply admit
the things you had said and done.
How exactly did you love me
while you lay down with her in her bed?
And where was the “most important person in your life”
while your lips were touching hers?
I knew what you felt and knew what you did
yet I tried so hard to believe.
The words that you said when you looked in my eyes
and when you lay down in bed next to me.
You broke my heart in ways
that I never thought you would do.
And you’ve never apologized for what you did
only that I ended up hurt.
The ownership in that, the responsibility,
in those words is clearly implied.
You don’t believe what you did was wrong,
only that I got in the way.
The fact that you remain with her
in motion, in act, in word.
Further speaks to the truth that your only intent
was to leave me so you could be with her.
Whether or not we had come to an end
is no longer a relevant fact.
You cheated on me, you just couldn’t wait
to respectfully leave me first.
Those actions will always define
the ending of our life.
You took away everything we once shared
as you selfishly fed your desires.
What would you expect from me now
to simply forgive and forget?
To be in each other’s lives “in places”
exactly what place is that?
You publicly courted her and I watched you
and you knew when you were caught.
Yet you stood there naked before me
and swore I was who you loved.
Your actions since have blatantly shown me
exactly what I mean to you.
I hope that you never have to feel how that feels
I hope it was worth it to you.
If you ever wonder why I can’t forgive
those are the reasons why.
You don’t care anyway and it doesn’t matter
but somehow I still have to heal.