Moving, through this

I just want to get to the place

where I can hear your name and still breathe.

Where the sight of your face or the thought of your voice

doesn’t openly break me in two.

I want to find the peace in this

the place where is doesn’t hurt.

Where I can think good thoughts and have memories

that aren’t overshadowed with regret.

I miss being with you, laughing with you,

I miss our home, our love, our life.

I miss being the one that you turned to

I miss meaning something to you.

I think about us being friends again

and I can’t see that it would ever be.

For too long, I came second with us

and it will always feel like that.

Maybe if I were to love again,

that would mean that I’d gotten over you.

But that is never going to happen

I won’t let anyone come into me again.

 All of these words are goodbyes of sorts

I keep writing them to help me believe.

That this is over that life has moved on,

well, it has for you anyway.

Soon I’ll be gone and moving away

at least from the face of your ghost.

I see it in everything that I see

and it paralyzes me from within.

I have to tell you I’m leaving

to make that final break.

But I’d rather steal off like a thief in the night

and let there be nothing said.

It’s easier just to disappear

than to hear your react to this.

 You will tell me how great this will be for me

I want to know that it hurts.

Hurts you deeply and somewhere within

where you quietly still care for me.

I know that it’s wrong, but it is what it is

I want to know it’s not just me.