Pain Revisited

There’s only pain that’s all there is

pain, and loneliness, and fear.

There’s only me with a broken heart

wishing that you would come home.

I’ve been holding on to the anger

for weeks, holding on to the rage.

Taking solace in everything you did wrong

to keep this pain at bay.

Yesterday the pain came knocking

it needed to be heard.

All day and all night it sat by my side

and today it is still here.

I don’t know how to comfort it

how to hold it while it weeps.

Don’t know how to tend to it day after day

I just want to run away.

Run kicking and screaming and scratching and scraping

and tearing down all the walls.

But day after day it just comes back again

I’m tired and I need some help.

I’m broken in half, I’m bleeding and raw

I’m lonely and I’m small and I’m sad.

There is no sign of relief from any of this

I can’t eat, I can’t sleep and I’m scared.

Scared that this is all I’ll be

and that this is all I have.

I hate that I’ll never see you again

and that you took so much of me with you.