I woke up in tears again this morning
perhaps it’s this process of going home.
to a place where I no longer live
where so many memories linger still.
perhaps it’s that sobriety has settled in
and I’m feeling everything again.
a little unprotected, most certainly raw
and it washes over me in the quiet dawn.
perhaps it’s that I dreamt of you
just before the alarm bell rang.
I saw your sweet smile staring at me
and the words ‘little one’ fell from my lips.
perhaps it’s just that I miss you
and the voice you used talking to me.
you were there filling up the holes in my heart
and now the only one here is me.
perhaps it’s that change is imminent
and I will probably be moving on.
to another place I’ve never been
completely on my own.
seeking beauty and challenges
because somehow there just aren’t enough here…
and happy has not found me yet
so I am going in search of her.
far from the ocean where I ground myself
so perhaps, the fear is there.
that I will become dry inside as I did all those years
where I lived too far from her.
perhaps it is just that I bleed too much
that I feel too many things.
that I wear my heart like a badge on my chest
I don’t know how to be any other way.
perhaps today it’s just that I wish
I had you to tell these things to.
you made me feel heard, you made me feel seen
and perhaps I just miss you..