days have passed and I have tried
to keep the words at bay.
I have pushed them and cursed them
I have told them to settle down.
I have tried not to feed this desire
this aching need.
to let my words spill onto the page
like blood flowing from a vein.
I have tried to uplift myself
through words seeking light.
I have written prayers
and tossed them into the sea.
but darkness sits on the edge of the room
and it slowly stares me down.
it threatens my resolve
and it is quietly laughing at me.
I know that sound, that tone of voice
it’s been a soundtrack to my life.
it has accompanied me
down many a dangerous road.
I’ve been fighting it with earnest now
for days and days on end.
today I’m tired and tempted
and I just want to lay down with it.
let it wrap its arms around
my desperately aching need.
let it touch the places in me
that are screaming in pain.
let it softly seduce the want I feel
and feed the hunger within.
let it take me away
at least for the length of today.
this is what pain looks like
written on a page.
urgent, dark, scribbled lines
that make no sense.
this is what it feels like
if you listen to these words.
there is nothing else but the silence
so the meaning is clear.
I don’t want to fight for anything today
I want to surrender and curl into a ball.
I want to weep, I want to wail, I want to scream
the release that comes from hearing my own voice.
the dangerous edge that divides
the dark from the light.
the line that exists for balancing
with outstretched arms.
holding nothing in my hands
I’ve thrown it all away.
today feels like a day
for dancing on the edge.