On The Edge

days have passed and I have tried

to keep the words at bay.

I have pushed them and cursed them

I have told them to settle down.

I have tried not to feed this desire

this aching need.

to let my words spill onto the page

like blood flowing from a vein.

I have tried to uplift myself

through words seeking light.

I have written prayers

and tossed them into the sea.

but darkness sits on the edge of the room

and it slowly stares me down.

it threatens my resolve

and it is quietly laughing at me.

I know that sound, that tone of voice

it’s been a soundtrack to my life.

it has accompanied me

down many a dangerous road.

I’ve been fighting it with earnest now

for days and days on end.

today I’m tired and tempted

and I just want to lay down with it.

let it wrap its arms around

my desperately aching need.

let it touch the places in me

that are screaming in pain.

let it softly seduce the want I feel

and feed the hunger within.

let it take me away

at least for the length of today.

this is what pain looks like

written on a page.

urgent, dark, scribbled lines

that make no sense.

this is what it feels like

if you listen to these words.

there is nothing else but the silence

so the meaning is clear.

I don’t want to fight for anything today

I want to surrender and curl into a ball.

I want to weep, I want to wail, I want to scream

the release that comes from hearing my own voice.

the dangerous edge that divides

the dark from the light.

the line that exists for balancing

with outstretched arms.

holding nothing in my hands

I’ve thrown it all away.

today feels like a day

for dancing on the edge.