sparkle fades

awakening from afternoon dreams

sweaty, shaken, rattled.

it’s those same dreams I always have

the ones that remind me of home,

the funny thing now is I am home

and they seemed even more real this time.

the chasing, the taunting, the shadowed eyes

and me running, running away.

 I miss you today, my distant one

I know you have gone for good.

gone from the space that you filled in my heart

gone with the safety you brought.

I feel your distance painfully

I feel all the mistakes that I made.

on afternoons such as this, in moments like these

I just want to hear your voice.

I felt safe when I left my words in your ears

when I left on them pages you read.

I believed that you cradled them in the crook of your arm

where they could safely fall asleep.

I miss you with a tender, bittersweet sting

that pierces that empty hole.

in my heart, where you touched me so softly

and then you went away.

with sweetness I think of you now

I do hope your smile shines.

you made me feel like I could

and I did for a while through your eyes.

you always sparkled in mine

perhaps just a little too bright.

so that now that you’re gone, in this darkness

the contrast is just too profound.

 

 

 

 

perhaps

I woke up in tears again this morning

perhaps it’s this process of going home.

to a place where I no longer live

where so many memories linger still.

perhaps it’s that sobriety has settled in

and I’m feeling everything again.

a little unprotected, most certainly raw

and it washes over me in the quiet dawn.

perhaps it’s that I dreamt of you

just before the alarm bell rang.

I saw your sweet smile staring at me

and the words ‘little one’ fell from my lips.

perhaps it’s just that I miss you

and the voice you used talking to me.

you were there filling up the holes in my heart

and now the only one here is me.

perhaps it’s that change is imminent

and I will probably be moving on.

to another place I’ve never been

completely on my own.

seeking beauty and challenges

because somehow there just aren’t enough here…

and happy has not found me yet

so I am going in search of her.

far from the ocean where I ground myself

so perhaps, the fear is there.

that I will become dry inside as I did all those years

where I lived too far from her.

perhaps it is just that I bleed too much

that I feel too many things.

that I wear my heart like a badge on my chest

I don’t know how to be any other way.

perhaps today it’s just that I wish

I had you to tell these things to.

you made me feel heard, you made me feel seen

and perhaps I just miss you..