And now at the end of a story that probably never should have been told, I am left with the anger of allowing myself to become less for you. I knew you would never choose me or make me a priority in your life. You say all the pretty words and smile and your eyes sparkle and I just roll over.

From the very beginning, I should have stood my ground, I should have walked away until you were willing to respect the boundary that I asked you for. We were electric together, something I had truly never experienced before. It was hard to say no…

I told you back then, lessening this while we wait for you to make your decisions will harm us. Boundaries and physical limitations will destroy what we have. You didn’t believe me, and now here we are. Five years later, I am a shell and before the dust even settled on us, you are on to someone else.

There were so many times, I should have walked away…to be honest, I tried. Always you would pull me back and we would try again. How many times did we do this? I watched you lie to your family and friends about who I was and who we were to each other. Looking back now, maybe it wasn’t a lie to you. I never would have imagined having to try and process you being so quickly involved with someone else…yet again, here we are. The really fucked up thing is this…less than a week ago, you told me you would let her go. It didn’t really feel right, you said. Then I am bombarded by social media posts of you and her and well, a picture is worth a thousand words.

 

This story is so long and so broken and sad but today I am just feeling like a fool for believing you. Three days ago, we shared a joyful day, so intimate and warm. You held my hand as we walked around town and just took in the day. The next day, and the next and now today, you won’t answer my calls. I know where you are and what you are doing. My question is simply this…Why don’t you just tell me that there is no chance of us ever being together again? Why are you fucking with my heart and my very fragile soul in this way??? Why lead me on?

 

I know I’m not perfect and that we had a lot of things to work on but the simplicity of that fact that you just wouldn’t commit is the core of all of my frustration and anger.

 

I hate that the one person in the world that I believed would never hurt me is now a stranger to me.