It’s been pretty quiet here lately
my only focus is me.
I notice how quiet it is
when I am not screaming to be heard.
I notice how much I appreciate
the space and the room to think.
How much I enjoy the sound of my thoughts
when I can truly hear what they are.
You’d never know from the outside
that inside here, it’s still a mess.
There’s things that still need straightening up
and trash that needs taking out.
The thing that’s different now
is that I can do it on my own.
In my own time, in my own way
and no one needs to know.
I don’t need to prove anything to anyone
I don’t have to try and be something I’m not.
I don’t have to entertain or take care of anyone
or wait for you to see me.
Wishing that you would hear me
would never have made it so.
I wished and wished for years and years
and ended up empty and broken.
I stopped dreaming, stopped trying, stopped caring at all
and was just angry that you couldn’t hear.
As the tears fell down and I cried inside
and you never had any idea.
Where I was or what was wrong
or even who I was.
It’s clear that the one who makes the most noise
drowns out everything else in the room.
Here now in this silence
I remember why you’re gone.
I remember why you’ll never return
and why I am better off alone.