Learning from the silence

It’s been pretty quiet here lately

my only focus is me.

I notice how quiet it is

when I am not screaming to be heard.

I notice how much I appreciate

the space and the room to think.

How much I enjoy the sound of my thoughts

when I can truly hear what they are.

You’d never know from the outside

that inside here, it’s still a mess.

There’s things that still need straightening up

and trash that needs taking out.

The thing that’s different now

is that I can do it on my own.

In my own time, in my own way

and no one needs to know.

I don’t need to prove anything to anyone

I don’t have to try and be something I’m not.

I don’t have to entertain or take care of anyone

or wait for you to see me.

Wishing that you would hear me

would never have made it so.

I wished and wished for years and years

and ended up empty and broken.

I stopped dreaming, stopped trying, stopped caring at all

and was just angry that you couldn’t hear.

As the tears fell down and I cried inside

and you never had any idea.

Where I was or what was wrong

or even who I was.

It’s clear that the one who makes the most noise

drowns out everything else in the room.

Here now in this silence

 I remember why you’re gone.

I remember why you’ll never return

and why I am better off alone.