To desire nothing~

How do you keep moving when you don’t want anything

but to curl yourself into a ball on the floor.

When desire and want and need have simply left you

and there is nothing left that you can hold on to.

How do you tell yourself that anything matters

when you were the only one it mattered to?

When moving forward and moving on are all that anyone does

and all you want is what she took away.

I’m stuck here, really, stuck here and I know

that I am the only one feeling any pain.

I am the one who suffers with the mourning

I just don’t know how to let go of my dreams of you.

I know that at this point I should just resign myself to hating

you and all the things you did to me.

I know the thought and the intent with which you acted

and still you take up too much space in my heart.

I know that we will never cross paths again

that you don’t deserve to know me or speak my name.

You treated me like something that was disposable

when I was supposed to be your partner in this life.

You planned out how you would cheat on me and betray me

you chose her over us, did you think about me at all?

I just can’t understand how after so long I meant so little

when I gave up everything to live a life with you.

I have to keep reminding myself of the bad

the rotten, the spoiled, the dying and the dead.

I am trying to learn how to let go of hope

I don’t want it but my heart doesn’t understand.