I’ve tried everything I know how to do
to get me through this pain.
Rationalizing, facing the truth,
reading the books and writing the words.
I’ve tried blaming you and hating you
and focusing solely on the hurt.
I have immersed myself with images
of you and your new life.
I’ve tried drowning myself in a bottle
cut lines across my skin.
Yet nothing will take away this pain
I am still reeling in this ache.
I can’t forget how much I loved you
and how that made me feel.
The laughter, the comfort, the safety
of knowing you were here.
It hits me like a brick wall
like something physically striking me, still.
When I wake up from the peace of sleep
and realize that this is still real.
I want to run, I want to hide,
I want to disappear.
But I’m still here alone with me
and still broken from you being gone.
Even knowing all the things
you did to me that were wrong.
The lying, the cheating, the betrayal of trust
my heart still wants you to come home.