I don’t know how to let go of hope
don’t know how to just walk away.
I guess because it feels like
it somehow reflects on me.
I feel so small and irrelevant
because you meant so much to me.
And I realize I meant nothing to you
and there are no words for how that feels.
I feel like I have nothing now
and I don’t know how to feel that.
How to process it and let it go
and how to move away from it.
I am stuck here in this spiral
missing someone who doesn’t exist.
The person who I thought you were
and in whom I disappeared.
I lost myself in there
somewhere deep inside.
In the illusion that was created
so that I could have a life.
You were all that mattered to me
and the fact that I was with you.
I was trying to understand what role I played
but I couldn’t move fast enough.
I kept getting hit by curve balls
because you were more important than me.
You cheated on me, I forgave you
you fell down and I picked you up.
When I fell down there was no one there
you told me to get over it.
And this is the person I am missing
I am a complete and total mess.
I don’t want to be here anymore
and I am trying to pretend I do.
I’m just no good at any of this
and I keep on ending up here.