No good at this

I don’t know how to let go of hope

don’t know how to just walk away.

I guess because it feels like

 it somehow reflects on me.

I feel so small and irrelevant

because you meant so much to me.

And I realize I meant nothing to you

and there are no words for how that feels.

I feel like I have nothing now

and I don’t know how to feel that.

How to process it and let it go

and how to move away from it.

I am stuck here in this spiral

missing someone who doesn’t exist.

The person who I thought you were

and in whom I disappeared.

I lost myself in there

somewhere deep inside.

In the illusion that was created

so that I could have a life.

You were all that mattered to me

and the fact that I was with you.

I was trying to understand what role I played

but I couldn’t move fast enough.

I kept getting hit by curve balls

because you were more important than me.

You cheated on me, I forgave you

you fell down and I picked you up.

When I fell down there was no one there

you told me to get over it.

And this is the person I am missing

I am a complete and total mess.

I don’t want to be here anymore

and I am trying to pretend I do.

I’m just no good at any of this

and I keep on ending up here.