Rebuilding, rethinking, reshaping
a life that was already formed.
A life that was built out of love and desire
a life that no longer exists.
I’ve never been more alone,
more lost, more broken down.
I’ve never tried harder
to pretend that I’m ok.
Fake it ‘til you make it
create the illusion that you are well.
Make it look from the outside
the way you want the inside to feel.
I can’t remember anything now
from the life that we once lived.
I can only hold on to the way I was hurt
so I don’t miss you every day.
I still can’t believe that this happened
can’t believe that you didn’t love me.
But the truth is you didn’t and I accepted less
when that’s all you ever gave.
The day that I let you take me for granted
changed forever, the shape of our life.
It changed you, it changed me, and it set the tone
for what ultimately tore us apart.
Why did I take you back
after you turned to someone else?
Without question, without hesitation,
because you said you had made a mistake.
The mistake was mine because you knew
that was the one thing that mattered to me.
But in the face of standing up for me
I folded and gave myself away.
I know now that it changed what I thought of myself
and clearly what you thought of me.
You broke everything in me that believed in you
and we were never the same again.
In spite of it all, I surrendered
I loved you with all that I had.
In spite of me, you did it again
and walked away with all that I lost.