I’ve never felt this kind of fear before,
as I stand at the beginning fully and truly alone.
The changes that have taken place, the work that has begun
will now be called upon to state their names.
My life changed some months ago
my world turned upside down.
A future built and worked for
was cast into the sea.
Everything crumbled, including me
as I tried to survive the change.
And from the bottom I crawled
until I could stand again.
Decisions were laid out before me
that were based solely and purely on me.
And for the first time in my life
I chose for myself.
I chose the path less taken
by most, including me.
I chose what will certainly be
the more difficult road.
I’ve been working and planning
and dreaming of this day.
Now today it is here
and I am filled with so many things.
I am terrified of the challenges that lay ahead
fearful that I may not have what it takes.
I am filled with sadness at closing this chapter of life
and mourning the fact that I am doing this alone.
I am all I truly have
and I have learned that truth this year.
I have crawled and scratched
and scraped my way back to life.
From a place where I didn’t care anymore
where I just wanted to disappear.
To a place where I am being rewarded
for the work that I have done.
Still I can’t help but be thoughtful today
as I begin the planning of yet another change.
Packing up and starting again with only myself
and trying not to be afraid of what will come.