Beginning Again

I’ve never felt this kind of fear before,

as I stand at the beginning fully and truly alone.

The changes that have taken place, the work that has begun

will now be called upon to state their names.

My life changed some months ago

my world turned upside down.

A future built and worked for

was cast into the sea.

Everything crumbled, including me

as I tried to survive the change.

And from the bottom I crawled

until I could stand again.

Decisions were laid out before me

that were based solely and purely on me.

And for the first time in my life

I chose for myself.

I chose the path less taken

by most, including me.

I chose what will certainly be

the more difficult road.

I’ve been working and planning

and dreaming of this day.

Now today it is here

and I am filled with so many things.

I am terrified of the challenges that lay ahead

fearful that I may not have what it takes.

I am filled with sadness at closing this chapter of life

and mourning the fact that I am doing this alone.

I am all I truly have

and I have learned that truth this year.

I have crawled and scratched

and scraped my way back to life.

From a place where I didn’t care anymore

where I just wanted to disappear.

To a place where I am being rewarded

for the work that I have done.

Still I can’t help but be thoughtful today

as I begin the planning of yet another change.

Packing up and starting again with only myself

and trying not to be afraid of what will come.