I cannot understand pain of this magnitude,
how it continues to grow and consume very part of my being.
I am trying to hold on to anger, to the reality of things that were done
just to keep the pain at bay, to give me a moment to breathe.
It’s there all the time, hour after hour, day after day
in the quiet moments late at night when I am small and alone.
It sits with me like an old friend and rocks me as I stare at the ceiling
wishing and praying that I could for a moment fall asleep.
I go from rage to completely broken in the time it takes to breathe
and then I go back and then I go forth and back again.
This is the most real I have ever felt, the most raw, the most pure
this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I know how you hurt me, I know the lies you told
still somehow I can’t believe that that was the you that I know.
How can the person who loved me so much, that much,
just be gone and already moved on?
How can I be alone here day after day, and night after night
mourning the loss of us? It never should have been us.
We were the ones who were true, we were forever,
we made vows and declarations and we were the ones in love.
Now you need someone else and I can’t understand
my heart just cannot process this, my body is aching again.
There is only silence here where you were once at my side
an empty and gaping hole.
There is only me here now and I am breaking again
praying to somehow again become whole.