Saturday, August 3, 2013

The Addict's Game


flashing past me at the speed of sound

lights flicker, pulse pumping veins.

breath quick, heart beats, mind spins

I can’t quite make sense of anything.

it’s been like this for days

something spinning.

whirling, twirling,

I cannot pin it down.

I feel like I am high

 and drifting wildly.

fearful I will not

find my way back down.

nervous edges might be the cause

fear of what’s to come.

knowing that change

in necessary again.

but my focus has shifted wickedly

I’m unsettled deep within.

and maybe that’s not the best time

to move forward again.

I feel like I’m running away from something

instead of running to.

and the recklessness of that

 is giving me fits.

uncontrolled terror

is now keeping me awake.

the addict fiendishly coveting

something warm.

something that seeps into the blood

and scares away all of the demons.

something transparent that creates

the illusion of strength.

something that distracts me from the ghosts

but also steals my ability to think.

with focus unattainable

that now becomes the course.

and the place where I must

engage my every thought.

this is the circle that I spin

with precision and expertise.

exchange one for the other

when it all becomes too much.
 
 

9 comments:

  1. exchanging one for the other when it becomes too much...sad reality...a kid i worked with a few years back just fell off...crashed hard when life became too much...he was the one that almost OD'd in my car a bit back...its sad to see...he is hopefully getting help again...i heard he is...

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  2. You have really put the reader right in the middle of the cycle of addiction. Strong writing. Terrifying, in fact, as terrifying as the experience itself must be.

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  3. Oh, the circling must be so exhausting and seemingly unending. The struggle has to be exhausting and soul-wearying. So true about the expertise we all develop as we whirl through this life. Powerful, powerful write, Andrea.

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  4. This is a raw and powerful truth of a struggle so many are fighting to overcome, and sadly, so many never escape the cycle.

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  5. Raw and filled with such honesty...you've written about the struggle in a very powerful way.

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  6. very powerful..especially the closing lines. it stays with you...

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  7. Very thought provoking piece of writing.

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