Friday, August 23, 2013

Unsettled

 
I’ve been sitting here for hours
in the quiet evening
trying to still the chaos.
trying to calm
what feels like
scribbled ink on a page.
it feels like
I’ve dropped a box
of marbles onto the floor.
or like a top
that has spun off its axis
and has wildly gone astray.
busy and racing
and agitated
inner turmoil reigns.
from the outside
you would never know
I keep it all contained.
I feel like
submerging myself
into a deep pool.
letting the water
calm and cool
wrap itself around me.
the touch of you
your hands on me
would soothe me just as well.
but your hands
fell onto someone else
their absence leaves me cold.
the racing, the pacing
back and forth
across the worn out floor.
my footsteps
have formed a groove
that I simply follow now.
I don’t even have to look
as I pace the length
of this tiny room.
I know it now by heart
know the number
of steps that it takes.
I count them
one by one
and breath by even breath.
wishing and hoping the rhythm
would somehow soothe
this shaking soul.
ragged, jagged
I choke on it
as it moves in and out of me.
never quite fast enough
that I don’t
have to gasp for air.
it’s panic, really
I’m sure that’s the name
to call it.
attacks of this nature
are random
and generally strike at will.
pacing again
can’t sit still
can’t calm the thoughts inside.
my thoughts resemble
a traffic jam
at a dead stop, blowing a horn.
I can’t escape this mess
this inherent makeup
of my mind.
chaos burning
edges frayed
frazzled from inside.
 
 
 
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4 comments:

  1. Loved hearing you recite this, Andrea. Was beautiful.

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  3. Reminds me of a line I read once: "...I felt the sadness hearing someone crying coming from a dark room, the door was ajar"

    Good write, mi amiga

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  4. hi Andrea,
    I found you through Talon on Twitter, and wondered if you'd be interested in submitting a poem to Pilgrims. I like your poetry!

    www.pilgrimspoem.com

    Aloha,
    Brenda

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