Tired of this road I’m on
sinking in the muck and mire.
Ankle deep and getting worse
my brand new shoes are stained.
I can’t find my way out of this
I can’t see any light.
The silence is deafening, it’s freezing here
I am slowly turning to stone.
The sight of my face is foreign to me
I’ve cut my hair and changed my clothes.
But I’m still the one underneath it all
and I just don’t care anymore.
It’s a vicious, spinning cycle
of pain and grief and shame.
From one to the next and the next one again
right back to where it begins.
It starts with me missing the life
that would somehow change who I am.
The dream that was taken away from me
when you walked out of the door.
The next step is trying to numb it all
and make it go away.
To drown in the depths of that darkness
just trying to survive.
Then comes the guilt that inevitably comes
as the numbness starts to subside.
The guilt that I am to blame for it all
because that is all that I can see.
Then comes the shame that this is now
the thing I have become.
This wretched mess, this disastrous waste
this thing that won’t go away.