Days and weeks have passed endlessly
into more than I could take.
More pain, more loss, more emptiness,
more than I know how to transcend.
So I crawled into a bottle
where I thought I could go to hide.
But glass is transparent like a fishbowl
and everything can still be seen.
Trying to disappear, to fall away from this place
it’s all I’ve ever known how to do.
We all follow patterns that define us
it’s inherently who we are.
Yesterday I came to the end of a road
the end of feeling this much pain.
Today will be the first day
that I try to be something new.
I’m floundering, falling, lost and alone
but it can’t get much worse than this.
With scars and sickness and drenched in fear
I will try to take that step.
I will fall, I’m sure, and trip and fail
but I’m going to try again.
It feels like a last chance, or I’ll never survive
it feels like it’s time to give in.
To surrender to all that I cannot change
to accept all that I do not want.
To forgive all this hurt and just walk away
and try to learn how to do this alone.